The Machine
by DemonRider404
Summary: Kagome and Inuyasha are fighting, and Summer decides to settle it once and for all...using Miroku as a warning. InuKag, MirSan, short Summer/Miroku moment. High in sexual content. Boys read at your own risk, and don't flame me; I AM a girl, after all.


**Disclaimer:**

**DR: Hmm...Hey, Sango, I'm bored.**

**Sango: Sorry.**

**DR: Can I own you?**

**Sango: No.**

**DR: Damn. Fine! If I give you a present, will you let me own you and the others?  
Sango: Depends. Is it Miroku's head in a box?**

**DR: It could be...if it was something smaller in the box, I guess. Like his 'cursed' hand? Ooh! I've got a good idea!*Lights go dim; Evil smirk. Lights flick back on all of a sudden* Story idea! Must get computer!**

The Machine

**Chapter 1: The Only Chapter**

It was late January. Kagome and I leaped down the well. I was slightly confused by the fairly sunny whether, despite the fact that it wasn't even twenty degrees outside. We leaped into the well with my camera in hand, hoping for snow, but _no!_ It was all grassy and only slightly cold. But, Kagome being the human she was, was freezing her ass off, so I was forced to give her my thickest coat (not before calling her a wuss several times, mind you.)

Okay, so we're walking to where I know the others will be waiting, and there wasn't much said. Kagome gasped once, but I didn't ask about it. Finally, we reached Kaede's hut, where everybody else was. I went in and smiled. Kagome just sat next to Inuyasha and didn't look at me. I wondered what she was so upset about. Just as I was trying to figure that out, I was knocked to the ground by something very small and hard. A rock? I opened my eyes to see Shippo standing above me and grinning.

"Hi, Summer!"

I smiled, "Hey, Shippo." I pulled him off me and put him on the ground, then got to my knees. "Geez, Shippo, I swear you've grown a foot!"

"Really?" his grin widened.

"Yeah!"

As I continued exchanging jokes and grins with Shippo, I began wondering if Kagome had found The Machine.

* * *

It was about an hour later. Sango and Miroku were sitting on opposite ends of the room. The fresh handprint on Miroku's face was redder than my hair (and THAT, my friend, is saying something.) I walked over to Kagome, who was leaning on Inuyasha's shoulder (and I couldn't help noticing his arm was around her and they were totally CUDDLING! 3) and asked if she wanted to take a walk with me. She looked at Inuyasha. He nodded and nuzzled her neck before letting her leave. When we finally got far enough from the hut, I turned her around and put my hands on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eye.

"Hey," I said, "what gives, Kags? You looked a little upset this morning."

Kagome reached over and grabbed The Machine out of my side pocket, holding it up. It was a light tan color, with a switch on one side that caused the sharp steel blade in the middle to thrust down through the circular hole, which was about an inch and a half in diameter. I don't wanna to go into detail about what it's for, though.

"Look, let me explain," I said, "I saw you and Inuyasha cuddling earlier, and that leads to kissing, and that leads to tonguing, and that leads to heavy petting, and that leads to fucking! Do you get where I'm going with this? _There will be no fucking!_"

"Summer, you know I wouldn't do that! What do you think I am?"

"Estrogen to the extreme."

She sighed in exasperation and stamped her foot down.

"I'm not gonna...do...that..." she blushed, then went back to Angry Mode, "Ever! Especially not with Inuyasha!"

She didn't know it just then, but she was gonna regret saying that.

* * *

I had gotten back to the hut at the exact moment Sango slapped Miroku again. I sighed as she started screaming at him about being a pervert and having to control his urges. I caught Miroku's eye, followed by Sango's. I put my right hand out and curled my pointer finger.

"Miroku, come here, I've got something for you." Then, while Miroku was all up in my face and flattering me, I caught Sango's eye and winked, smirking. She smiled while I lead Miroku out, far away from the hut, into Inuyasha's forest. Then, I found a decently sized stump, setting The Machine on it and allowing Miroku to study it for a while. Then, I heard something else.

"Just leave me alone, Kagome!"

"But...Inuyasha, I need to talk to you!"

"Just go, Goddammit!"

"Not until you hear me out!"

I saw Inuyasha and Kagome not far off, arguing like usual. Only this time, Summer thought she smelled tears in between the lilac and jasmine of Kagome's scent, and pure rage mixed up in Inuyasha's pine and mint. But, you know, me being the demon that was able to sense feelings, too, I could tell that Inuyasha felt somewhat betrayed. I remembered earlier, when Kagome had said she would never fuck Inuyasha. I was the only one who noticed Inuyasha listening from the trees. I assumed he had been expecting something at least along the lines of a kiss, and when Kagome had turned that down, he had gotten mad at her and confronted her. Or, rather, she asked him what was up and things got heated.

"Say, Lady Summer, how does this contraption work?" I turned back to Miroku and gave him a flirty smile I got down on my knees and knew I was going to regret doing this, but I kissed him anyway. I tried to make it as sensual as possible without making myself puke and mess up this operation. I could tell that Inuyasha and Kagome were probably gaping at me by now with their jaws to the floor (haha, Jaws...ha.), but I didn't stop. I ran my hands slowly down his robes before nervously squeezing his...ah...yeah.

He wrapped his arms around me, and is hot breath smelled like last night's dinner (steak and potatoes cooked over a wildfire...)and...five letters: P-U-S-S-Y.

"Why don't you take your robes off and let me show you, hot stuff?" I murmured huskily, already reaching for his neckline. He sighed and pulled his purple and blue robes off in a flash. I waited for him to finish getting naked. When he finally was, my breath caught at the sight of his erection. Damn, this boy looked like he'd been taking Viagra! I immediately ripped off a long strip of royal purple cloth from my neckline, initially intending to put it around my eyes as a blindfold, then, I caught something in my peripheral vision; a flash of green, pink, and a giant boomerang about to take off my head. Quickly, I turned to Sango and pointed to Miroku's...lengthy...member, then to The Machine, trying my best to silently explain what I was about to do before she shattered my cranium. She appeared to get the message, because she hid behind a tree just as Miroku's piercing blue eyes trained themselves back on me.

"Is there something wrong, dear?" he asked me in his smooth, deep voice, and, for just a second, I thought I might wind up falling in love if I didn't get this operation finished quickly. I looked back at him and smiled.

"Nothing."

I walked slowly up behind him and carefully fixed the purple cloth around his head, obscuring his vision.

"I'm not allowed to see what it does?" he asked me disappointedly. I smirked at Sango peeking out from the shadows, then stood on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear.

"Oh, trust me, it's _much _more fun when you can't see what's happening."

It was probably true, too.

* * *

At last, I was ready. I never thought I'd have to do this, but...here goes.

"Okay," I told Miroku, leading him toward the Machine, "now, just put this..." I grabbed his, what I had decided to call, 'pen15,' "here," and I slipped it into the hole, all the way up to where his pen15 connected to his body. It was slightly snug, but, you know, it fit. From his moan, he obviously thought it was my mouth, which was the desired effect. I caught Sango's cinnamon brown eyes, pointed to my ears, and mouthed, "Plug your ears," and winked. She did as she was told.

Miroku was now shivering, either from excitement or fear. Probably the first one, but nonetheless, I told him, "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit!" I looked at Sango one last time. Then, in one smooth, swift motion, I flipped the switch.

A girlish shriek that would have made Justin Bieber shake his head echoed through the forest. (Can you just imagine? Justin Bieber: "And I thought _I _sounded like a girl...) Miroku held his mouth open, grasping the place where his member, uh, _used _to be. The circular stump was now squirting blood like a water pistol would squirt water. Miroku was jumping around in circles, screaming, whimpering, and crying. I sighed and ripped off another piece of my kimono, hurrying to him and pressing the cloth on where his pen15 used to be.

"I thought you said it wouldn't hurt!" he whined girlishly. I put my hand to my mouth in an exaggerated "oops!" motion. Then, I smirked smugly at him.

"Well, in my defense," I told him, "I never said it wouldn't hurt _you_."

I called Sango over, ignoring the now detached lump of flesh on the stump, which was quickly soaking up the pouring blood.

* * *

While Sango lugged Miroku back to Kaede's hut, I held the now-bloody Machine in my left hand and a cardboard box in my right, which was quickly turning burgundy-red. When we got to the hut, I heard something ominous and stopped Sango in her tracks.

"Nnnnggghhh..." came a moan from inside the hut, very female indeed.

"Mmmm..." came a guttural male reply. The conflicting scents coming from inside told me exactly who was in there and exactly what they were doing. I walked up to the woven-reed door slowly, the soft, gentle smell of wild flowers and the sharp, spicy scent of pine and mint getting stronger and more woven together as I got closer. At last, I reached the door, and, peeking in through the door, I saw that, thankfully, Inuyasha _wasn't _eating out of Kagome's pussy, but they were getting there; Inuyasha was shirtless, as was Kagome, but thank the merciful Lord for bras, because he hadn't figured out hers yet. He was slowly tracing the edges and kissing her deeply. The two of them were lying down and holding each other so tightly, I couldn't tell where one of them started and the other ended. Inuyasha fiddled with Kagome's bra strap before breaking away from their hot, wet kiss, and asked her a question in a deep, husky voice, the same one I had used before while seducing Miroku.

"Mmm...dammit, woman, how do you undo this thing?" he whined desperately.

Kagome whimpered in submission. She was reaching back to undo the strap while Inuyasha licked and sucked her exposed neck. I realized that if I didn't do something quick, someone was gonna get laid. And shortly after I'd told her not to.

I slammed the curtain to the side, making sure my hand _banged _loud enough on the doorframe that Inuyasha would be snapped out of giving Kagome a hickey and look at me. And that's just what happened.

After having caught the couple's attention, I slowly opened up the box and held what was left of Miroku's pen15. Inuyasha's sunny eyes got wide, and Kagome turned green. I raised my eyebrows at Inuyasha as if to say, "Yes, if you fuck my sister, this will happen to you, too."

That's pretty much the story of..._(trumpets: duh-duh-d-) _Oh! Wait a minute, I almost forgot about the (mini-)epilogue! The next day, Kagome was kind of glaring at me, and I wondered why.

* * *

This was the forty-fifth fucking time she glared at me. In a fucking _hour! _And I was starting to get sick of it. I would rather she sat in Inuyasha's lap and made out with him. She could even moan as much as she wanted, just as long as she stopped _glaring _at me! Inuyasha, Kagome, and I were the only ones in the hut. The first was holding the second in his side, his cheek resting on her head and occasionally nuzzling her and making her giggle.

It was late at night, the bright stars gleaming in the blue-black sky that was obscured by the roof above us. I sat by the fire in the center of the room, staring in and remembering all that had happened. The cardboard box containing Miroku's pen15 sat next to me, glowing Mad-Hatter-hair orange on one side, and mahogany on the other. I decided I would probably stuff it with cotton and hang it in my bedroom back home on a gold shield-shaped plaque bearing the name_ Miroku, Son of the Perverted Monk _(Insert father's name)_, Son of the Perverted monk _(insert grandfathers name). It would hang there, intimidating, forever erect, daring anyone to try to fuck me or my sister while we were unwilling. Then, below it, on my stone fireplace, I'd put the relatively small Machine, after wiping all the blood off, of course. I wanted it to be clean and shiny for my display.

Anyways, it was late at night, Kaede had 'left ye young ones to sort out ye problems,' taking Sango and the still-recovering Miroku with her. Inuyasha and Kagome were cuddling and occasionally kissing, and I was just staring into the fire, imagining my future display of The Machine and Miroku's stuffed pen15.

Inuyasha kissed Kagome's forehead, pulling her in a bit closer.

"Have I told you you look absolutely gorgeous in the firelight?" he asked her quietly. She smiled.

"Three times."

_Four, _I corrected her in my head, _and that's just in the past ten minutes._

I started doing mental math to find out how many times he'd tell her that in an hour if he kept it at that rate. _24_, came the answer out of the blue. I took a risk and looked over at Inuyasha and Kagome. They were looking at each other and smiling. Inuyasha, his right arm already around her waist, reached over with his left hand and put it behind her head, reaching over and pulling back a strand of hair from the left side of her face before leaning down to kiss her. Her arms were already on his shoulders, and they slid up around his neck to hold him a little bit closer. The couple's hair fell over their shoulders and mingled at the tips, but didn't obscure my vision. I tried focusing on the way their long hair twisted and turned around each other, instead of the way their tongues dd the same thing. When that didn't work, I tried focusing my attention on the way Inuyasha's fuzzy white ears twitched in pleasure. When that didn't work, I simply looked away.

While the small, wet snapping sounds from the couple's heated kissing continued, slow, even, I silently wished that they would just stop. I should've known better than to make a wish like that on a Monday. Suddenly, the kissing noises stopped, followed by an almost inaudible "I love you." from Inuyasha.

"I love you, too, Inuyasha," Kagome said. Then, she glared at me. _Forty-six._

"Okay," I said, standing up, "what's with the nasty looks, Kags?"

"Oh, nothing," she said in that smart-ass tone, "just wondering why you aren't dead yet."

I gasped. "What?"

"You're little make-out session in the woods? Don't you think Sango would've taken off your head by now?"

"Oh, so you didn't stay for the big finish?"

"What, you sucking on his dick?"

"No, me _cutting it off._"

The two of them stood there with their mouths hanging open. Then, Inuyasha glared and tried his best at another smart-ass remark.

"Well, from the looks of it, it looked like you were gonna fuck him, okay?"

"Says the boy who was whining at Kagome to take her bra off!"

He shut his mouth. I gestured to the Machine that I had been polishing, "And the same thing will happen to you too, if you can't control it, DogBoy!"

Eventually, I DID get my little display up, and later added two others: Naraku and Koga. And THAT is the story of...dammit, where'd the trumpets go?

The Machine!

* * *

**A/N: Well, that's the end of it, hope you liked it! Please review, but, for God's sake, no flames. This is just my kind of humor.**


End file.
